Today, I endured a tradition as old as the internet: constantly refreshing Ticktmaster until the pre-sale tickets for Glee Live! went on sale. After waiting in the virtual “queue” for twenty five minutes, Ticketmaster came up with nothing. Not dissuaded, I did another search and this time Ticketmaster presented me with a set of tickets. Success!

Or was it?

I did the usual quick-check, comparing my ticket locations to the map, before glancing at the total.

Sweet Jesus.

I knew the tickets weren’t going to be cheap, but how did my $88 tickets become $109 each? The Ticketmaster fees.

Please, somebody explain to me the art of the Ticketmaster Fee. Seriously, what are they for? And more importantly, if Ticketmaster is tacking on over $20 PER TICKET, what the hell is my ticket itself paying for? Definitely not bandwidth for the Ticketmaster website, if a single ticket request requires almost a half-hour to process. Are there elves at Ticketmaster HQ, sorting tickets for every show at every venue by hand? “SWEET JESUS BILL, THERE’S A TICKET REQUEST FOR MADISON SQUARE GARDEN! LOOK FASTER!” “SORRY BOB, I’M SWAMPED. LADY GAGA TICKETS JUST WENT ON SALE AT NASSAU COLISEUM!”

One of the benefits of living in a metropolitan area is the ability to go to venues in person and buy my tickets at the box office for minimal fees. I’ve saved over a hundred dollars last year buying tickets in person. Unfortunately, that’s a luxury not all venues have.

The Ticketmaster debacle gets worse. A few months ago, my boyfriend decided to be “nice” and subject me to a Kings of Leon concert. As he browsed the internet looking for decent tickets, he found a pair on Ticketmaster! Or so he thought. As he shoved his laptop in my face so I could approve his purchase, I noticed that he wasn’t buying from Ticketmaster at all. It was a Ticketmaster “partner” site, called TicketsNow.

What the hell is this? TicketsNow? Poking around, I discovered it was an authorized Ticketmaster reseller.

Think about the implications of that. Authorized. Ticketmaster. Reseller.

What does that mean? Ticketmaster is not only ENDORSING the resale of tickets at at least 400% of the face value, but they’re collecting a cut of the profits? How is that not sketchy and shitty?

Don’t get me wrong, not all ticket sellers are bad news. I’ve bought tickets from Craigslist from a seller who wanted to unload her concert tickets for only a little over face value. It’s when a $40 ticket is marked up to $150 for the sole purpose of making a buck that everyone gets screwed. The performer doesn’t benefit; they get paid based on the face value. It’s even more difficult when dealers and resellers purchase tickets directly from TM, making it even more difficult to buy “firsthand” tickets, regardless of fees.

I don’t blame the performer or the sports team. I really don’t. It’s not Lady Gaga or Brandon Flowers’ fault I ended up paying three times the amount the ticket was priced at. But when it comes down to seeing an idol or paying out the ass, what do you do?

Also, as for that Kings of Leon concert? Most expensive nap of my life. You can recreate the experience at home by buying the album and a band poster. Listen to the CD at top volume while fist-pumping to every other song and staring at the poster. By doing this, not only have you successfully simulated attending a KoL show, but you’ve also saved over $100. You’re welcome.